


Beware the Silverware

by astraplain



Category: Kyou Kara Maou!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-29 13:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3897904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraplain/pseuds/astraplain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all Gunter's fault...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2005.

It was all Gunter's fault. Yuuri would tell everyone that - just as soon as Wolfram stopped trying to kill him. If Gunter hadn't kept him so long at lessons, then Yuuri wouldn't have cut through the dining room and had that little... mishap.

"Do you have a brain in that head or do you just use it for storage?" Wolfram had progressed from shouting at Yuuri to trying to strangle him. Conrad watched the familiar spectacle with his usual smile in place, but there was a slight Gwendal-like furrow between his brows.

"He was teaching me history, not silverware." Yuuri sputtered.

"He was trying to beat some common sense into that thick skull of yours!" Wolfram countered, not releasing his stranglehold. "How could you have missed something so... so... obvious?!!

"There's nothing obvious about it!" Yuuri yelled back, risking his very life at the hands of his excitable fiancé. "Sporks, knives, butter dishes, even the water glass thing, but no one said anything about ladles!!"

"And fruit knives," Conrad added not very helpfully.

"Fruit knives!" Yuuri threw his hands up in frustration, nearly giving his intended a black eye. "You know what the real problem is? You people have too much silverware!!" He looked over at Gwendal who had just arrived and was already rubbing his temple in a way that looked painful. "I'm the king, right? So here's my official ruling: no more silverware. From now on we're only eating finger foods."

Gwendal's right eye twitched and he rubbed harder.

"Hei... Yuuri, that doesn't..." Conrad caught Wolfram's glare and swallowed, choosing his words carefully. "Silverware isn't the main concern here."

"You can't expect me to believe... urk!" 

"Wolfram, perhaps it's not a good idea to strangle the father of your unborn child."

"Hmpf!" Wolfram released Yuuri reluctantly. "There wouldn't be an unborn child to worry about if this wimp hadn't dropped the ladle, then picked it up and set it on the fruit knife."

"What's that got to do with anything? You can't get someone pregnant by picking up silverware!"

"Then how do you think babies are made? Probably involves something messy and disgusting." Wolfram pressed a hand gently over his rounded middle and addressed the bump. "I'm sorry, little one, your other father is an idiot."

Yuuri wondered where the nearest water was and if he could get there before Wolfram caught him. Surely his beloved's "delicate condition" ought to slow him down a little. 

"You're not going anywhere," Gwendal stopped rubbing his temple long enough to glare. It was a weak imitation of Wolfram's but still intimidating.

Yuuri cast Conrad a pleading look, but the older man only smiled and said: "I'll tell Gunter to start the wedding preparations." 

Three weeks later, Yuuri sat in the middle of a pink-ruffled nightmare of a wedding reception eating finger foods and trying not to flinch when the maid offered him soup.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gifts for the happy couple

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> written in 2006, this fic uses what were then fandom spellings of proper names

The first package arrived three weeks after the wedding. It was from the king of Francshire, sending his best wishes and a serving spoon. Yuuri passed it off as another one of those Mazoku traditions he'd never understand and refused to touch the spoon.

The next day three packages arrived containing more well wishes from guests and more silverware. Yuuri let his husband open the boxes and managed not to freak out until he was in private.

The next day seven packages arrived.

By the end of the week an entire room was taken up with boxes and crates of silverware sent by well-wishers. All of it matched.

Yuuri refused to go into that room. He started muttering to himself.

Wolfram alternated between smiling indulgently and screaming, pausing only to talk soothingly to his rounded middle. The word "wimp" was used more than usual.

Gwendal knitted eight stuffed animals and started an afghan. 

Conrad polished off his personal stash of wine and spent most of his free time looking for Yozak's. Conrad's smile grew more lop-sided as the week progressed.

They were all grateful for news of Heathcrife's visit. They didn't expect him to bring a caravan loaded with boxes and crates.

Greetings were exchanged and Heathcrife signaled to his men to start unloading the wagons. "The allies all agreed that we wanted to do something to show our appreciation." His smile almost outshone his shiny head. "You've done so much for all of us. And since we noticed the lack of silverware at the wedding reception..."

"Look," Wolfram enthused as he peered into one of the boxes. "It's the rest of the Deluxe Castle Entertainment Set." He held out the card for Yuuri to read. "4,000 pieces."

Yuuri's scream could be heard all the way to Bandarbia.

::end::


End file.
